My Baby, My Baby

It is not really funny, but sometimes the drama you hear in a shelter is sort of hilarious. When I first arrived to the shelter I thought that everyone was out to steal or take my baby. I knew that it was sort of crazy to think that way. However I just fell into this weird defensive stance and every time someone talked about my son, I would say "He is my baby, my baby!" Then I borrowed a pen from one of my case workers and lo and behold! It was a pen that said "Adoption Options" and I was like...."Oh hell no!" and thought the place was kind of evil.

Finally I talked it out at Denver Human Services and they said "oh no you don't need to give away your child! That is mostly for people who have been caught child abusing or who just want to give away their children to Foster Care." I met a few mothers who visit their children in Foster Care. It really looks like they don't miss their children that much. One mother I saw was walking around with a cell phone in her hand and when she went to meet her sons, she still held the cellphone in her hand! It was like she had to stay on Facebook or something while she talked to them. Am I missing out on Foster Care options? In my mind this would devastate me. Is there any fun in that? According to the way this mother looked, it looked like it was fun to be without her children.

The opposite extreme is to do what I am doing. I am still looking for nannies, childcare, and daycare (but my son has Autism Spectrum Disorder so it is difficult). My son stays with me practically 24/7.


Well I was finally moving out of the shelter when this poor young woman walks past us with her little one month year old son. She turns to my friend and says "my baby, my baby". The man I was with was a shelterite too so he told her off by saying "We all know that's your baby. Damn...you don't have to keep saying that!" I turned to him and said "Oh no. She has the My Baby Syndrome!" I told him how I was acting like that too. I really want to ask these single mothers who have one month year olds in their arms and say "What happened to you! Why is your life so f-ed up? Where is your family? Your baby daddy? Why did everyone abandon you? For G-d sakes you have a newborn baby!" But then I look at myself. A lot of people ask me the same questions. I often ask myself why this happened to me. However in good humor I say it was just because it was bad timing. I had to leave when I had nothing left, when I had nowhere else to live, and when I had no one to take care of my son. I left because I had no support and I needed to break free. I am sure most of these women feel the same way. So if you hear a woman repeat the words "my baby, my baby" please forgive her. She is just going through a really rough time. I know I did. I call it the My Baby Syndrome.

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